I had worked my big butt off for months. We were hosting my mommas 70th birthday party. Fifty or so of her closest friends were coming over to party like it was 1945.
This was years ago when my kids were one, three and four. My mom (Marilyn) had talked it up for weeks at bridge club and her “Lady Bugs” lunch group. I can picture them now popping Meltaway mints while placing their bids and chatting about the imported silk in my dining room (imported all the way from Fayetteville, TN, mind you).
Apparently my house, cooking, clothes, kids, husband and yard were all perfect. I would run into Imma-Lee or Martha at the grocery and they would tell me “Ooooh, your momma has been telling me all about your house and what a good cook you are! I can’t wait ’til her party to see it for myself. And she says your cheese wafers are TO DIE FOR!”
Apparently my house, cooking, clothes, kids, husband and yard were all perfect. I would run into Imma-Lee or Martha at the grocery and they would tell me “Ooooh, your momma has been telling me all about your house and what a good cook you are! I can’t wait ’til her party to see it for myself. And she says your cheese wafers are TO DIE FOR!”
I knew my reality was way different than what was being said! Sure, I can make a mean cheese straw…but could I make 300 of those suckers in the 10 minutes of freedom I had while the baby was in the Johnny Jump Up? Hail to the NO! I feel hives coming on just thinking about it again.
This picture is of Annie Beth around the time of the party. She’s almost 14 now. Green sharpie marker, a Redneck Riviera tee and a diaper that was probably sagging like low riders. That was more like our reality at that time in our lives. We cleaned up well, but a lot of days were spent tripping over toys and rocking in royal blue La-Z-boy recliners that our friends made fun of but secretly wanted for themselves. Or for their fishing boats.
When the guests came that night I was busier than a one-armed paper hanger and as anxious as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers. I wanted to live up to their expectations. Keller greeted everyone and said “Welcome! We are so glad you are here to celebrate Marilyn! Make yourself at home…feel free to look all around the house…but please don’t open any closets. We don’t want anyone to get hurt!”
I could have clobbered him! Darn! Since I had worked so hard I wanted everyone to think that my house is always spotless and that I always cook gourmet meals! Instead, they knew that I stuffed all my piles of junk in closets and had to push the doors shut with my fanny. What didn’t fit in the closets I shoved in the clothes dryer and that night I “stored” all the dirty dishes in the back of my Suburban.
Believe it or not, my mom felt honored and loved. That was the reason we were celebrating in the first place.
Fast forward a few years…
Some of our neighbors had kids around the same age as our kids. When they all became old enough to start staying home without getting a sitter, we started what would basically be a spy co-op. If the neighbor parents were gone we would check in and spy on their kids and they would do the same for us when we were gone. You could say we were serious about our neighborhood watch program. It was a beautiful thing.
We had written instructions for our girls of our expectations while we were gone (quiet activities like reading or a movie…no being rowdy, etc..). Most importantly we wanted them to be safe. They gave us thumbs up and Keller and I felt like we could wipe out the line item in our budget for babysitting. Yeehaw!
Keller and I were on our date and our neighbor checked in on our kids. She texted us: “All is quiet and well…I don’t think they knew that I saw the mattress at the top of the stairs:).”
When we got home that evening everything was quiet and in order. After hearing about their evening we asked our kids how the mattress surfing went. THEY. WERE. SHOCKED! They were 100% convinced that our security system motion sensor (or “eyeball”) was a spy camera and that we could watch them at anytime. Absolutely it was (wink, wink)!
Mattress surfing became a regular activity when we were out. Thankfully, we had an old IKEA twin mattress that I affectionately called “maxi-pad.” That’s about how thick it was. I wasn’t worried that it would tear out the banister if it went down by itself. A couple of years ago the girls decided to record themselves while surfing. Who knew it would become Mary Catherine’s crowning moment. Mattress surfing 101: (click now…)
I’m still trying to figure out how they stayed so calm when we called to check on them. I imagined them reading “Little House on the Prairie” books to each other then taking prayer requests.
It really is amazing that most kids grow up in one piece. As Marilyn often says “Some things are just best not to know about when you are raising your kids.” (You’re right momma, I’m glad you never knew about the night I “lifted” orange cones and detour signs and put in the back of my LeSabra then lined them up to detour into Lynne Nichols driveway).
At my mom’s birthday party I wanted people to see something different than what was really going on. When my kids were left alone they wanted to present to us something different than what was really happening.
It seems like the Christian buzzword these days is ”authentic.” It’s like we all desire it but we are too afraid for people to see our flaws. Fearful of being judged. Fear that we won’t measure up. Fearful someone will hold it against us. Sometimes we act as if we are mind readers saying “I know what he or she will think of me” and we use that as an excuse to stay stuck in a pretend life. We use “prettier” words…like “frustrated” instead of “angry” or “rageful.”
For me, the quickest way to lose sight of what God says about me is to be obsessed about what others think. Most of us care way too much about what others think and say about us. So much so that it drowns out God’s voice in our heads and the volume is turned up on the voices that shame us and tell us that it is too scary to live authentically.
God didn’t expect us to get it all right. He doesn’t want us to hide who we are. He loves us where we are. We all sin, but we don’t all admit that we sin. He knows our sins, He isn’t surprised by them…He died for them.
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep.”
John 10:11
Happy Easter friends,
Music City McBride
“I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me. Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said. He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day…”
1 Corinthians 15:3
